By Emily Mangiaracina - Florida Catholic
MIAMI | The number of American singles is at a historic high — and for most, their relationship status is not a choice, but a problem to be remedied.
For serious Catholics, singlehood can certainly still feel like a cross, but it need not have the heaviness felt by the worldly. This is because they trust there is wisdom in what God permits, even when his reasons transcend our understanding.
This is the case for Sebastian Morales, a local revert in his late thirties, who shared that what sustains him most in his singlehood is his Catholic faith.
“I think it’s making a voluntary decision to submit oneself to the will of God. It kind of gives me a lot of confidence that things are going to work out in a way that’s favorable for me,” said Morales, adding that he has become much less “nihilistic” since his reversion about a year ago.
Now active in the young adults group at his church, Gesu Parish in downtown Miami, Morales shared that since his reversion, he has taken the question of marriage and what it means to be a good husband “a lot more seriously.”
“There’s a lot to it, being a husband,” said Morales, going on to point out that holy couples like the sainted parents of St. Thérèse of Lisieux “put a lot of effort into growing their faith in God,” as well as “disposing their children to the faith.”
His words of advice to other Catholic singles are to “be focused on values,” even “picky” about the values of a potential spouse.
“I see physical attraction as important, but that’s not going to carry you through your relationship. Your values are. The way you see things, the way you practice your faith,” advised Morales.
He stressed the importance of working on oneself to become a more “suitable catch.” To Morales, this includes service and volunteering, physical fitness, and perhaps spending less time online.
“I’ve noticed that people who get into relationships don’t tend to spend a lot of time online,” said Morales.
He also advised that single Catholics work on building up their faith, and “pray a lot.”
Morales himself regularly spends time in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament, where he has long felt “everything just mak[es] sense,” including before he fell away from the faith.
‘Drowning in love’
Photographer: COURTESY
Melissa Saldaña Ocasio, 41, is a single Catholic who hopes to marry. She trusts in God’s providence, to grow in maturity and in patience to trust in God’s plan.
Like Morales, Melissa Saldaña Ocasio, 41, is a single Catholic revert who hopes to marry — so much so, she said, she sometimes feels as if she is “drowning in the love” she wants to give to her future husband.
She echoed Morales’ emphasis on trusting in God’s providence, explaining that what helps sustain her is “growing in maturity [and] in patience to trust in God’s plan.”
“My friends and family are constantly reminding me to trust in the Lord and in his plan. It’s just that we human beings, in our human nature — we get impatient,” said Ocasio.
She explained that the main things that sustain her are “serving the Lord,” the prayers of her friends and family, and her relationships with her mother and best friend.
“The devil wants you to think you’re alone. You’re not alone,” she said in encouragement to her fellow singles. “Not only do you have God and the saints and your guardian angel — you have friends that care about you.”
Ocasio also pointed to the importance of using one’s talents to serve others, which she noted has the added effect of helping one to “go outside of” oneself, and divert attention from any personal difficulties while feeling “down.”
She herself is heavily involved in her community: She is a board member of Catholic Young Professionals; serves as vice-chair of the Miami-Dade County Hispanic Affairs Advisory Board; and has served as a lector at her parish, St. Raymond in Miami, for over seven years.
Beyond all this, she acknowledged that her faith life is critical in uplifting her — including psychologically — in her singleness.
“I would not be in a good place without God,” said Ocasio, highlighting the fact that many people today look to material things to replace God in their life, but are left feeling empty.
She noted as an example that many “spend all their time and money shopping, or on plastic surgery,” in order to “take control of something, [but] they don’t know what it is.”
“It is the restlessness that St. Augustine spoke about,” Ocasio continued, pointing out that so many try to put their mind at ease through the “material” world, instead of through the “inner life and the spiritual realm.”
Living celibacy intentionally
At least a few Catholics are embracing the single life as a consecrated celibate, or with the desire to eventually consecrate themselves to God as a celibate, for spiritual reasons.
One such local Catholic is Kelly Vargas, who sees life as a consecrated single as a “very special and intimate vocation.”
“It’s a beautiful way of life for me because Christ is my entire reason and purpose [behind] how I live and interact as a witness in this world,” said Vargas, who attends Mass at Our Lady of Belen Chapel on the campus of Belen Jesuit Prep in Miami.
“It starts for me interiorly by being reminded of all of the graces and gifts that God has given me. It is an interior life,” said Vargas, adding that it especially involves mental prayer.
She then tries her best “to do God’s holy will” by discerning his will “in every instance.”
As for the importance of consecrated singles in the world, she pointed out that such souls can “be accessible to any person that God places in our path.”
“Since I do not have a husband and biological children, I have more time to pray and do penance and to offer it for the conversion of sinners and to pray for priests and religious,” said Vargas.
She tries to live out the admonition of Our Lady of Fatima by offering her prayers, works, joys and suffering to save souls.
“My faith helps me realize that everything has a purpose and that for God and the Blessed Mother, nothing is wasted, everything counts,” said Vargas.
She advised singles dissatisfied with their current state in life to “live for God and by God,” and to “keep close” to him as well as to the Blessed Mother, the saints and the angels “in continual prayer.”
