Get up, get dressed, and don't forget your cape!
Monday, April 6, 2026
*Jan Rayburn
I’ll start by saying that I know very little about superheroes. My children, who are now adults, gave up trying to explain "origins” and “alter egos” to me. And apparently, “reboot” has nothing to do with restarting my computer.
When you begin your day, what is your routine or your grooming process? Do you wash your face, brush your teeth, consume copious amounts of coffee? Don a cape?
I hope so, because we need all the “Avengers assemble,” the “Justice League unite”, and everyone else to fall in line to safeguard children from the evils that prey upon them. Unlike the characters in superhero blockbuster films, these bad guys are not easily identifiable. They don’t have dark moody lighting wherever they go or dramatic musical stanzas; they don’t necessarily have scars, burns, or limps like the Joker, Two Face, the Penguin or Captain Hook. Their weapons are not flashy like Loki’s scepter or Lex Luthor’s Kryptonite.
One thing they do have in common, however, is a general lack of remorse, simply because they often think they have done nothing wrong.
In this battle, heroism begins with understanding the grooming process. This is where crimes against children begin. It is a deliberate manipulation tactic predators use. No matter what the “Endgame” (see what I did there) is, it starts with grooming. Whether it is stalking a child who’s often left alone, recruiting assistance to find a lost puppy, “friending” children on social media, or abusing artificial intelligence, the premise is the same. Grooming involves building a relationship—and trust—with a child to lay the groundwork for future manipulation and inevitable abuse. In this process, the victim is compelled to think of the predator as a “friend.” This relationship then becomes the basis for gaslighting, making the victim feel complicit and compliant in keeping secrets. Make no mistake, in cases of grooming, it is never the victim’s fault.
There are three types of grooming:
Physical grooming is the process of desensitizing a child through increasing physical levels of closeness. It could progress from a wave to a hug to sharing a chair. Similarly, online grooming does the same thing virtually. It is a progression, beginning with gaining access through fake profiles or mutual “friends,” followed by establishing trust through disingenuous support, sharing secrets and inserting sexual topics, which leads to more explicit suggestions.
Psychological grooming similarly progresses through stages of acceptance, begins with showering the victim with praise, attention, emotional support, friendship, and even declarations of love. Then, the predator may give gifts, making the victim complicit and persuading the child to keep secrets.
Community grooming is, perhaps, the most perplexing as it can be the hardest to recognize. Indeed, the predator personifies as the “ideal” adult. In this guise, the predator builds trust and a good reputation as a helpful and upstanding person in the community—beyond reproach because gaining the trust of adults in authority and/or around children ensures access to them. They seek positions of respect and modestly elicit gratitude, especially when volunteering, which leads children to view them as a person of trust. They seek out roles such as scout leader, coach, after-school volunteer, as well as other peripheral roles, that may include less oversight.
This is why it is paramount that people be trained in the nature of abuse and the nature of predators. If you are one of the good guys, children need you to be trained and vigilant. And if you are an unidentified predator posing as a trusted adult, children need you to know that “superheroes” are watching and are fully aware of what constitutes acceptable behavior and what is unacceptable or concerning behavior. We also know that ultimately the predator needs to be alone with the child to commit this crime. It is up to all of us to help prevent that from happening. It’s a “Day of Reckoning”. (I can’t help myself.)
Lately, I’ve come to think of a fourth type of grooming. It is really a combination of the three types presented here—but on STEROIDS!
I am thinking of AI. Yep, artificial intelligence. Remember back when we were nervous about our children being on the internet? We knew that access to the World Wide Web (WWW) provides great resources but also means the world has access to our children. We used to say, “The door’s wide open.” Well, AI amps it up a millionfold. It is the “Paragon, Nova, Omnipotent/ omni-manipulation” that can control everything and everyone. Scary? Terrifying! Like Thanos. But, if the good guys learn it too and embrace it, perhaps AI can be used for good. For example, right now AI is being used to detect online predators. In cases of CSAM (Child Sexual Abuse Material) a very special kind of evil, AI algorithms can be applied to detect online grooming and sextortion— a type of blackmail or extortion in which one person threatens another with releasing intimate or sexual images, videos, or information if the victim does not comply with the perpetrator’s demands— and image-based sexual material, both for personal or commercial use. It isn’t prevention—yet—but it’s a response, and it’s a start. We can help, too, by staying informed about the latest trends and technology by reading the Virtus monthly bulletins. By doing so, we can stay a step ahead of the predators.
"There’s no need to fear: Underdog is here!"
With that, I’ve definitely dated myself. (The sound you hear is my kids rolling their eyes very dramatically.) The phrase is the most famous line from Underdog, a fictional canine superhero who, under the identity of Shoeshine Boy, appears humble and weak but actually has superpowers. We often feel like the underdog in this fight to protect children. Whether we are fighting for protective policies, maintaining compliance with existing policies for employees and volunteers, confronting cultural norms that may not align with protective measures, or treading through the legal system, we keep fighting.
Anyway, getting back to the question I asked at the beginning, my daily routine or grooming process begins with stating my credo—sometimes in front of the mirror while trying out intimidating expressions to boost my resolve:
“Be the type of person who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says, “Oh crap! She’s up!”
I pray you will join me. Cape not required.
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